I have numerous folders of paperwork which have been gathered over the last 9 years since I started my counselling training. They’ve been collected from volunteer opportunities i’ve had, training courses, GP surgery self-help booklets, tools from fellow counsellors and so on. I decided to add a blog element to my website in order to share some of these documents for both clients and counsellors to access and hopefully benefit from.

The link below is a ‘Therapy Personalisation Form’ which enables you as a client to communicate what kind of therapy you have preferences for to your counsellor, and equally for your counsellor to discuss with you about how they might work with you to fit these preferences. Now, don’t get me wrong, it’s not a case of ‘I want, gets’….but rather it’s a way of starting that conversation together. All counsellors work differently, and will likely work differently across the range of clients they are seeing, it should not be a one size fits all approach! Ultimately, it should be about working together to ensure the therapy is effective. If as a client you expect and would really appreciate homework every week, but your counsellor doesn’t offer it, you may leave feeling disatisfied and disappointed. Some counsellors don’t provide homework as a rule, but if this is something important to you, it’s important to discuss together, and hopefully you can work out something that suits you both.

It might be useful to complete the form before you first meet your counsellor and use the points as a guide in discussing what you are seeking from therapy to help work out whether they would be the right counsellor for you. Equally, counsellors could use this form to consider how they like to work with clients, and think about how flexible they are within the category in order to assess whether they can work to their clients preferences.

Therapy Personalisation Form

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This might sound incredibly easy, but actually when you think about it, it’s completely different to how we normally operate. Look at your watch or a clock ticking, pay attention to it. How long does it take before you start thinking about what you’re going to have for dinner? Or how much work you have to do? Our minds naturally wander and lose focus on the task at hand.

Mindfulness is about practising the art of focusing our attention, enabling us to exert more control over what we focus on rather than allowing our mind to wander to things that may be distressing for us. It can be used as a great relaxation tool, and can help us to manage stress, anxiety and low mood.

Have you ever been driving somewhere, arrived at your destination and completely forgotten the journey? We often drive along routes we know well in autopilot, and we do this on differing levels throughout our day to day life. When in this mode, we find ourselves open to falling into old habits quite easily, being consumed by worry and negative thoughts. By using the practice of Mindfulness and increasing our awareness of our bodily sensations, thoughts and feelings we experience a greater freedom and sense of control. We can notice when our thoughts are wandering into the familiar territory and choose to pull it back and focus on the here and now, or more positive thoughts.

So how can you practice mindfulness? You can apply the idea of mindfulness to pretty much any task but my favourite exercise to offer for beginners is the Mindfulness Tea Meditation. As its name would suggest, this meditation focuses on the task of making a cup of tea (or coffee, or hot chocolate or whatever your hot beverage of choice is!), thus it is an exercise that you could practice a few times a day whether you are at home or at work. Should you find this exercise helpful, you can apply the practice to anything, such as brushing your teeth, taking a walk in the park, or even listening to a piece of music. Paying attention for the 5-10 minutes it takes to make a cup of tea gives us a brief period of relaxation, helping us to switch off from our mind clutter and get back to the rest of our day with more peace and clarity.

I really like the following practice of Tea Meditation taken from https://www.mindful.org/mindful-cup-tea/

1. Pay attention to the sound of the water heating and boiling in the kettle. Hear its bubbling and gurgling. Can you see wisps of steam coming from the spout? Does the kettle subtly shake from the movement of the water inside? Be open to your senses, rather than try to analyse what’s happening.
2. Notice the feeling of being in your environment: your bottom’s contact with the chair or the floor if you’re sitting down; the weight of your feet on the ground if you’re standing.
3. Pouring the tea, watch the colour of the water change as it meets the teabag. Be interested in the transformation from clear water to tea, and the tinkling of liquid as it fills the cup. When your mind wanders into thought, as it probably will, gently return your attention to sensing.
4. Lifting the teabag out with a spoon, feel the touch of the handle against your fingers, and the weight of the bag dropping away as you tip it into the bin. Let yourself hear any related sounds, such as the opening and closing of the bin lid. Notice any tendency to do this on autopilot and come back to present-moment sensing when you find you’ve drifted to distraction.
5. If you take milk and sugar, be interested in how you feel as you reach for and add these ingredients to the brew. Do you really want them? How do you know?
6. Notice the warming of the cup that contains the hot liquid. How do your hands feel as you hold it?
7. Now, bring the cup to your lips. Be interested in how your hand and arm know how to move in this direction without you having to tell them consciously what to do.
8. Take a sip of tea. Rather than gulping it down, see if you can let the taste tickle your tongue. Perhaps gently move the liquid around your mouth. Savor the taste—is it pleasant? Or perhaps you’d prefer it stronger or weaker? You don’t have to do anything about it (unless you choose to). Just be aware of your sensations and the liking or disliking of them. If there are thoughts, let them enter into and then pass through your mind without following them. Try to stay with the tasting. Notice without judgement any desire to rush the drinking, and any impatience that comes.
9. When you decide to swallow the tea, notice how that decision is made. Is it a conscious choice, or does it happen automatically? Stay present to the swallowing, the reflex movements in the back of the mouth and the throat, the trickle of liquid down into the stomach. How does it feel to be swallowing?
10. Notice how the liquid seems to disappear. Is there a point when the tea stops being separate from you? When and how do you recognize that moment?
11. Pause now, noticing any feelings of irritation, or thoughts such as: Hurry up, I’ve got better things to do. Or perhaps a sense of peace or stillness enters you. If so, where do you feel it? Is it changing from moment to moment, or staying the same? Maybe there’s something else going on in your mind and body, perhaps unrelated to the tea-drinking, pulling you into thoughts of the past or the future. If so, just notice it. Whatever comes up in your experience is okay from the perspective of meditation—there’s no right or wrong thing to notice. Bring gentle awareness to whatever emerges. Becoming conscious of how much the mind wanders is a sign of growing awareness.
12. Take a look around you, opening your eyes to your surroundings without buying into evaluations about them. Just be aware of any thoughts or feelings that come up.
13. Now, return your attention to the cup of tea in your hand. (Has the temperature dropped?) Watch as you decide when to begin the process of taking another sip. Return to step seven, and continue drinking the tea until the cup is empty, or you decide to stop drinking. If the latter, be curious about what is prompting that decision. Has the tea gone cold, has the taste changed, is there an impulse to get on with your next activity? (If the latter, what does that feel like? Is there a place in your body where you feel it most strongly?) Whatever you choose to do in each moment, try to watch the experience from an engaged observer’s perspective.

You could also check out my other post for an alternative relaxation exercise here: http://www.morrellcounselling.com/2018/07/relaxation-exercise-part-1/

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I think we’ve all done it – we arrive home from work and plonk ourselves down on the couch in front of the TV all night, and consider this an evening of relaxation. However, this activity doesn’t necessarily help us switch off, and we may be sat scrolling through our phones at the same time or thinking about what we have to do tomorrow. I like to use the term PROACTIVE RELAXATION, and encourage people to proactively experiment with different activities to see what helps them to relax. Slobbing in front of the tv absent mindedly for four hours is different to choosing a specific show you would like to watch and pay attention to for half an hour.

Relaxation is a skill, and something that needs to be practiced and personalised to the individual. What works for one, may not work for another. It’s important to find activities that work for you, be that having a bath, going for a walk, reading, playing tennis, painting etc.

The below exercise helps to relax your body and mind. Take your time with it, set aside a minimum of 15 minutes to go through the exercise so that you don’t need to rush. You might find it useful to have a partner, friend or family member read out the step by step guide for the first time so that you can focus on the task at hand. In time you can learn the exercise from memory and take your relaxation practice almost anywhere.

Muscle Relaxation Exercise:

Begin by finding somewhere comfortable to either sit or lay down. Perhaps dim the lights, light some candles, and play some soft relaxing music. You may choose to close your eyes.

First take your attention to your right hand and lower arm. Make a tight fist and squeeze tight. Hold for 10 seconds. Then let go, allowing all the tension to flow away. Feel your hand and your arm start to relax, counting for 10 seconds.

Next focus on the right upper arm, pushing your elbows into the arm of the chair/couch/bed. Feel your muscles tense, hold it tight for 10 seconds. Then let go, allowing all the tension to flow away. Feel your whole upper arm relax, counting for 10 seconds.

Take your attention to your left lower arm now, again making a tight fist. Squeeze it tight and hold it for 10 seconds. Now let it go, let all the tension flow away. Feel your hand and arm begin to relax, counting for 10 seconds.

Now focus on your left upper arm. Pushing your elbow down into the arm of the chair/couch/bed. Feel your muscles tense, hold it tight for 10 seconds. Then let go, allowing all the tension to flow away. Feel your whole upper arm relax, counting for 10 seconds.

Move your attention to your forehead and scalp. Lifting your eyebrows as high as you can. Hold them there and hold it for 10 seconds. Let it go, feeling your forehead and your whole scalp relax, counting for 10 seconds.

Next focus on your eyes, nose and centre of your face. Squint your eyes tightly and wrinkle up your noise. Hold them tight for 10 seconds. Now let go, feeling the centre of your face relax, counting for 10 seconds.

Consider now the lower part of your face. Clench your jaw together and pull the corners of your mouth back with a big smile. Hold it for 10 seconds. Now relax, feel your jaw loosen and drop, your tongue relax in your mouth, counting for 10 seconds.

Take your attention to your neck and pull your chin down towards your chest, not allowing it to touch but keeping it tucked in towards your body. Hold it there for 10 seconds, until you let go, allowing your neck to relax, counting for 10 seconds.

Now focus on your chest, shoulders and back. Take a deep breath in and pull your shoulders back as though trying to make your shoulder blades touch. Hold it for 10 seconds, and then let go, counting for 10 seconds.

Next take your attention to your stomach, tensing your abdominal muscles hard by pulling them in tightly. Hold it for 10 seconds. Let go, allowing your stomach to relax, even pushing it out a little, counting for 10 seconds.

Go to your right thigh, stretch your leg out and raise your leg slightly off the floor. Flex your thigh and hold it for 10 seconds. Then let go, allowing your thigh to completely relax, counting for 10 seconds.

Moving on to your right calf. Keep both feet on the ground, point your toes of your right foot up towards your head. Hold it for 10 seconds and then let go allowing your muscles to completely relax, counting for 10 seconds.

Focus now on your right ankle and foot. Curl your toes under and turn your foot in wards, hold it there for 10 seconds. Now let go, allowing all the tension to flow away, counting for 10 seconds.

Now focus on your left thigh, stretch your leg out and raise it slightly off the floor. Flex your thigh and hold it counting for 10 seconds. Then let go, and allow your thigh to completely relax, counting for 10 seconds.

Next focus on your left calf, keeping both feet on the ground, point the toes of your left foot back up towards your head. Hold it for 10 seconds. Then let go, allowing your calf to completely relax, counting for 10 seconds.

Finally take your attention to your left ankle and foot. Curl your toes under and turn your foot inward. Hold it for 10 seconds until you let go, allowing your foot and ankle to completely relax and all the tension flow out, counting for 10 seconds.

Spend a few moments taking in some nice deep breaths before you open your eyes and come back into the room. Hopefully you’ve been able to switch off and feel more relaxed. Keep practicing! The more you work at getting into a state of relaxation, the better you’ll get at doing it.

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