We struggle with sleep in all sorts of different ways. Some struggle to get to sleep in the first place, some wake numerous times in the night, and some find they’re constantly feeling tired as though the sleep they’re getting isn’t sufficient. It can be difficult to judge whether you are getting enough sleep just because it’s different for each individual – and can change over your life time.

How to help sleep problems:

• Ensure your bedroom is a calming pleasant place to be by keeping it clean and tidy, perhaps introducing relaxing smells with essential oils or candles.
• Avoid drinking caffeine or alcohol in the late afternoon/evening – instead drinking decaffeinated/non-alcoholic versions of your favourite drink or trying something like an herbal tea or malt drink instead
• Don’t eat big or really spicy meals late in the evening. It’s not great for your digestive system to go to bed on a full stomach, you don’t want to be hungry but you want to aim to be satisfied, not stuffed full.
• Doing some physical exercise such as a brisk walk in the late afternoon can help you make your body tired and help you to sleep.
• Set a regular time for going to bed and waking up to try and teach your body the routine you want to get into.
• Develop a short relaxing routine leading up to bed time. This may include having a bath, writing a diary, reading a book or doing a relaxation exercise (check out my post on the progressive muscle relaxation exercise). Try limit brain stimulating activities and choose relaxing wind down activities.
• Associate your bed with going to sleep by avoiding watching tv in bed. If you can’t sleep after 30 minutes, get up and do another activity such as reading or listening to music. After 15 minutes try returning to bed and going to sleep again.

Struggling with your sleep can have a huge impact on your mental health, and mental health problems can cause difficulties sleeping. If you are up all night struggling to sleep, this can then make it difficult to concentrate during the day. This might result in you worrying that you aren’t performing as well as usual at work or may cause you to withdraw from social events. You may start to feel anxious about your performance, or losing contact with friends and the worry itself may prevent you from getting a good nights sleep. Check back soon for some tips on dealing with worry.

The post Sleep Problems appeared first on Morrell Counselling.

I have numerous folders of paperwork which have been gathered over the last 9 years since I started my counselling training. They’ve been collected from volunteer opportunities i’ve had, training courses, GP surgery self-help booklets, tools from fellow counsellors and so on. I decided to add a blog element to my website in order to share some of these documents for both clients and counsellors to access and hopefully benefit from.

The link below is a ‘Therapy Personalisation Form’ which enables you as a client to communicate what kind of therapy you have preferences for to your counsellor, and equally for your counsellor to discuss with you about how they might work with you to fit these preferences. Now, don’t get me wrong, it’s not a case of ‘I want, gets’….but rather it’s a way of starting that conversation together. All counsellors work differently, and will likely work differently across the range of clients they are seeing, it should not be a one size fits all approach! Ultimately, it should be about working together to ensure the therapy is effective. If as a client you expect and would really appreciate homework every week, but your counsellor doesn’t offer it, you may leave feeling disatisfied and disappointed. Some counsellors don’t provide homework as a rule, but if this is something important to you, it’s important to discuss together, and hopefully you can work out something that suits you both.

It might be useful to complete the form before you first meet your counsellor and use the points as a guide in discussing what you are seeking from therapy to help work out whether they would be the right counsellor for you. Equally, counsellors could use this form to consider how they like to work with clients, and think about how flexible they are within the category in order to assess whether they can work to their clients preferences.

Therapy Personalisation Form

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You may have an opportunity where you can seek support through work or a local service and in which case be allocated to a counsellor. However, if you choose to seek private counselling you will likley be confronted with many different profiles of people in your local area. I have been through this process as a client and as a counsellor, so here are some of the things I think it is important to consider when choosing the right counsellor for you.

Qualifications/Status: I would encourage you to seek counselling from someone registered with a counselling governing body. I can only speak from a BACP (British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy) perspective as this is who I am registered with – but in order to be a registered member you must have completed a certain number of clinical hours and either done a BACP recommended training course or a BACP exam to prove your abilities. This also ultimately gives you as a client a pathway should you feel the need to make a formal complaint about your counsellor. Some counsellors will also state that they are accredited, in the case of BACP accreditation this demonstrates that they have completed a minimum of 450 clinical hours  and chosen to complete a dissertation like piece of work for this status. Whilst Accreditation doesn’t necessarily indicate that one counsellor is better than the other, as one counsellor may have been working for much longer and have more experience but just chosen not to apply for the accreditation – it’s just another way for the counsellor to demonstrate their competence.

Experience/specialism in your niche issue: Often clients will seek counselling from someone who specialises in their particular issue. Arguably working with 5 clients with the “same issue” will never be the same piece of work, and therefore it is not necessary to work with someone with specialist experience in that area. For example, a client struggling with bereavement does not necessarily need to seek bereavement counselling as loss is a common subject matter that all counsellors should be able to work with successfully. However, with some more complex or uncommon issues it can be important to seek specialist help. For example, counsellors are unable to work with clients seeking support about adoption, unless they have done specific training to do so.

Gender: Some clients may prefer to choose a counsellor of their own gender, assuming that they may understand their specific problem more than someone of the opposite gender. It may be that based on experience the thought of working with a particular gender might feel scary.

For example, a woman having experienced sexual trauma or abuse from a male may not feel comfortable working with a male counsellor. Whilst this is completely understandable, working with a male therapist in this instance has the potential to have hugely healing results, providing the client with a much more positive and healthy experience of a relationship with a male. It is up to the client to assess what feels comfortable to them of course, but it may be something to consider.

Age: As a relatively young counsellor myself I have experienced mixed reactions to my age. I have had some clients who have specifically chosen a younger counsellor who is more their age with the assumption that someone their age will understand them more. I have also been challenged by older clients who have commented that it’s not possible for me to understand because I haven’t had enough life experience. I want to discuss age in more detail in a future blog post as it’s an issue that was very much at the forefront of my mind whilst I began my training in 2010. I wanted to add it here to just point out that age isn’t always an indication of life experience, or ability to have dealt with those experiences and learnt from them.

Distance: It might feel the most convenient idea to seek help from whichever counsellor is the closest to you. Whilst I agree that travelling a long distance won’t likely be sustainable for the time you access counselling, it may be less complicated to see someone a little further than your doorstep. As a counsellor it has been a very rare occurrence to bump into a client, and I have never had any negative repercussions from doing so but I have heard tales of counsellors and clients bumping into each other at the gym in the showers! Obviously these things happen regardless of who lives where, and can be dealt with between the client and counsellor as part of working together but I’m sure most would agree it’s something they’d rather avoid where possible! It may also increase the chances of having mutual friends, and if this is not immediately known this could cause issues down the line and the relationship may feel somewhat contaminated. There are no strict rules of course, it’s just something to consider for both clients seeking counsellors and counsellors wishing to set up their own private practice.

I would strongly encourage anyone seeking counselling to shop around, and at the very least email a handful of counsellors who fit your requirements. Some counsellors offer free or low cost initial telelphone conversations, or short sessions just for you to experience what it would be like to work together. We are all human at the end of the day, and sometimes you click with some people more than you do with others. You may get a sense of the counsellor just based on their response to your intial enquiry. It is so important for you to feel comfortable with who you are working with in order to get the most out of your sessions. Obviously, complete trust can only develop in time and the time it can take will vary for different individuals, but as humans we usually have a gut feeling about whether an individual makes us feel comfortable and safe around them.

Should you wish to contact me about counselling, I offer a free 15 minute telephone appointment so that we can discuss whether working together would be a right fit. Email me on info@morrellcounselling.com for more details.

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This might sound incredibly easy, but actually when you think about it, it’s completely different to how we normally operate. Look at your watch or a clock ticking, pay attention to it. How long does it take before you start thinking about what you’re going to have for dinner? Or how much work you have to do? Our minds naturally wander and lose focus on the task at hand.

Mindfulness is about practising the art of focusing our attention, enabling us to exert more control over what we focus on rather than allowing our mind to wander to things that may be distressing for us. It can be used as a great relaxation tool, and can help us to manage stress, anxiety and low mood.

Have you ever been driving somewhere, arrived at your destination and completely forgotten the journey? We often drive along routes we know well in autopilot, and we do this on differing levels throughout our day to day life. When in this mode, we find ourselves open to falling into old habits quite easily, being consumed by worry and negative thoughts. By using the practice of Mindfulness and increasing our awareness of our bodily sensations, thoughts and feelings we experience a greater freedom and sense of control. We can notice when our thoughts are wandering into the familiar territory and choose to pull it back and focus on the here and now, or more positive thoughts.

So how can you practice mindfulness? You can apply the idea of mindfulness to pretty much any task but my favourite exercise to offer for beginners is the Mindfulness Tea Meditation. As its name would suggest, this meditation focuses on the task of making a cup of tea (or coffee, or hot chocolate or whatever your hot beverage of choice is!), thus it is an exercise that you could practice a few times a day whether you are at home or at work. Should you find this exercise helpful, you can apply the practice to anything, such as brushing your teeth, taking a walk in the park, or even listening to a piece of music. Paying attention for the 5-10 minutes it takes to make a cup of tea gives us a brief period of relaxation, helping us to switch off from our mind clutter and get back to the rest of our day with more peace and clarity.

I really like the following practice of Tea Meditation taken from https://www.mindful.org/mindful-cup-tea/

1. Pay attention to the sound of the water heating and boiling in the kettle. Hear its bubbling and gurgling. Can you see wisps of steam coming from the spout? Does the kettle subtly shake from the movement of the water inside? Be open to your senses, rather than try to analyse what’s happening.
2. Notice the feeling of being in your environment: your bottom’s contact with the chair or the floor if you’re sitting down; the weight of your feet on the ground if you’re standing.
3. Pouring the tea, watch the colour of the water change as it meets the teabag. Be interested in the transformation from clear water to tea, and the tinkling of liquid as it fills the cup. When your mind wanders into thought, as it probably will, gently return your attention to sensing.
4. Lifting the teabag out with a spoon, feel the touch of the handle against your fingers, and the weight of the bag dropping away as you tip it into the bin. Let yourself hear any related sounds, such as the opening and closing of the bin lid. Notice any tendency to do this on autopilot and come back to present-moment sensing when you find you’ve drifted to distraction.
5. If you take milk and sugar, be interested in how you feel as you reach for and add these ingredients to the brew. Do you really want them? How do you know?
6. Notice the warming of the cup that contains the hot liquid. How do your hands feel as you hold it?
7. Now, bring the cup to your lips. Be interested in how your hand and arm know how to move in this direction without you having to tell them consciously what to do.
8. Take a sip of tea. Rather than gulping it down, see if you can let the taste tickle your tongue. Perhaps gently move the liquid around your mouth. Savor the taste—is it pleasant? Or perhaps you’d prefer it stronger or weaker? You don’t have to do anything about it (unless you choose to). Just be aware of your sensations and the liking or disliking of them. If there are thoughts, let them enter into and then pass through your mind without following them. Try to stay with the tasting. Notice without judgement any desire to rush the drinking, and any impatience that comes.
9. When you decide to swallow the tea, notice how that decision is made. Is it a conscious choice, or does it happen automatically? Stay present to the swallowing, the reflex movements in the back of the mouth and the throat, the trickle of liquid down into the stomach. How does it feel to be swallowing?
10. Notice how the liquid seems to disappear. Is there a point when the tea stops being separate from you? When and how do you recognize that moment?
11. Pause now, noticing any feelings of irritation, or thoughts such as: Hurry up, I’ve got better things to do. Or perhaps a sense of peace or stillness enters you. If so, where do you feel it? Is it changing from moment to moment, or staying the same? Maybe there’s something else going on in your mind and body, perhaps unrelated to the tea-drinking, pulling you into thoughts of the past or the future. If so, just notice it. Whatever comes up in your experience is okay from the perspective of meditation—there’s no right or wrong thing to notice. Bring gentle awareness to whatever emerges. Becoming conscious of how much the mind wanders is a sign of growing awareness.
12. Take a look around you, opening your eyes to your surroundings without buying into evaluations about them. Just be aware of any thoughts or feelings that come up.
13. Now, return your attention to the cup of tea in your hand. (Has the temperature dropped?) Watch as you decide when to begin the process of taking another sip. Return to step seven, and continue drinking the tea until the cup is empty, or you decide to stop drinking. If the latter, be curious about what is prompting that decision. Has the tea gone cold, has the taste changed, is there an impulse to get on with your next activity? (If the latter, what does that feel like? Is there a place in your body where you feel it most strongly?) Whatever you choose to do in each moment, try to watch the experience from an engaged observer’s perspective.

You could also check out my other post for an alternative relaxation exercise here: http://www.morrellcounselling.com/2018/07/relaxation-exercise-part-1/

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I think we’ve all done it – we arrive home from work and plonk ourselves down on the couch in front of the TV all night, and consider this an evening of relaxation. However, this activity doesn’t necessarily help us switch off, and we may be sat scrolling through our phones at the same time or thinking about what we have to do tomorrow. I like to use the term PROACTIVE RELAXATION, and encourage people to proactively experiment with different activities to see what helps them to relax. Slobbing in front of the tv absent mindedly for four hours is different to choosing a specific show you would like to watch and pay attention to for half an hour.

Relaxation is a skill, and something that needs to be practiced and personalised to the individual. What works for one, may not work for another. It’s important to find activities that work for you, be that having a bath, going for a walk, reading, playing tennis, painting etc.

The below exercise helps to relax your body and mind. Take your time with it, set aside a minimum of 15 minutes to go through the exercise so that you don’t need to rush. You might find it useful to have a partner, friend or family member read out the step by step guide for the first time so that you can focus on the task at hand. In time you can learn the exercise from memory and take your relaxation practice almost anywhere.

Muscle Relaxation Exercise:

Begin by finding somewhere comfortable to either sit or lay down. Perhaps dim the lights, light some candles, and play some soft relaxing music. You may choose to close your eyes.

First take your attention to your right hand and lower arm. Make a tight fist and squeeze tight. Hold for 10 seconds. Then let go, allowing all the tension to flow away. Feel your hand and your arm start to relax, counting for 10 seconds.

Next focus on the right upper arm, pushing your elbows into the arm of the chair/couch/bed. Feel your muscles tense, hold it tight for 10 seconds. Then let go, allowing all the tension to flow away. Feel your whole upper arm relax, counting for 10 seconds.

Take your attention to your left lower arm now, again making a tight fist. Squeeze it tight and hold it for 10 seconds. Now let it go, let all the tension flow away. Feel your hand and arm begin to relax, counting for 10 seconds.

Now focus on your left upper arm. Pushing your elbow down into the arm of the chair/couch/bed. Feel your muscles tense, hold it tight for 10 seconds. Then let go, allowing all the tension to flow away. Feel your whole upper arm relax, counting for 10 seconds.

Move your attention to your forehead and scalp. Lifting your eyebrows as high as you can. Hold them there and hold it for 10 seconds. Let it go, feeling your forehead and your whole scalp relax, counting for 10 seconds.

Next focus on your eyes, nose and centre of your face. Squint your eyes tightly and wrinkle up your noise. Hold them tight for 10 seconds. Now let go, feeling the centre of your face relax, counting for 10 seconds.

Consider now the lower part of your face. Clench your jaw together and pull the corners of your mouth back with a big smile. Hold it for 10 seconds. Now relax, feel your jaw loosen and drop, your tongue relax in your mouth, counting for 10 seconds.

Take your attention to your neck and pull your chin down towards your chest, not allowing it to touch but keeping it tucked in towards your body. Hold it there for 10 seconds, until you let go, allowing your neck to relax, counting for 10 seconds.

Now focus on your chest, shoulders and back. Take a deep breath in and pull your shoulders back as though trying to make your shoulder blades touch. Hold it for 10 seconds, and then let go, counting for 10 seconds.

Next take your attention to your stomach, tensing your abdominal muscles hard by pulling them in tightly. Hold it for 10 seconds. Let go, allowing your stomach to relax, even pushing it out a little, counting for 10 seconds.

Go to your right thigh, stretch your leg out and raise your leg slightly off the floor. Flex your thigh and hold it for 10 seconds. Then let go, allowing your thigh to completely relax, counting for 10 seconds.

Moving on to your right calf. Keep both feet on the ground, point your toes of your right foot up towards your head. Hold it for 10 seconds and then let go allowing your muscles to completely relax, counting for 10 seconds.

Focus now on your right ankle and foot. Curl your toes under and turn your foot in wards, hold it there for 10 seconds. Now let go, allowing all the tension to flow away, counting for 10 seconds.

Now focus on your left thigh, stretch your leg out and raise it slightly off the floor. Flex your thigh and hold it counting for 10 seconds. Then let go, and allow your thigh to completely relax, counting for 10 seconds.

Next focus on your left calf, keeping both feet on the ground, point the toes of your left foot back up towards your head. Hold it for 10 seconds. Then let go, allowing your calf to completely relax, counting for 10 seconds.

Finally take your attention to your left ankle and foot. Curl your toes under and turn your foot inward. Hold it for 10 seconds until you let go, allowing your foot and ankle to completely relax and all the tension flow out, counting for 10 seconds.

Spend a few moments taking in some nice deep breaths before you open your eyes and come back into the room. Hopefully you’ve been able to switch off and feel more relaxed. Keep practicing! The more you work at getting into a state of relaxation, the better you’ll get at doing it.

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Today I’m writing about working with the people who are engaging in problem gambling. Problem gambling is relative to the individual, but regardless of the amount of money, it is a problem if it is affecting your life, your relationships and you are unable to stop.

You may have a certain image of what a problem gambler looks like. What do you imagine? The harsh reality is that this can affect people of all ages from all walks of life. Your perception of what you think a gambling addict looks like may prevent you from accepting you have a problem of your own. E.g. “I’m intelligent and have got a good job so I can’t have a gambling problem”

If you recognise that you are a problem gambler, you could contact the GamCare helpline for support on 0808 8020 133 (open between 8am-midnight) or access the website www.gamcare.org.uk

You may be referred for some counselling and have to go through an assessment to determine what kind of support will be most appropriate for you at this time.

So how might counselling help recovery from a gambling addiction? Often people access the service with an expectation that I am there to tell them off or tell them what to do. Whilst there are some programs out there that offer a set structure or program when recovering from an addiction this is not necessarily how counselling works. I am there to support the individual to understand how they have ended up where they are, to deal with the consequences they have been left with and to collaborate on developing a plan of recovery. Each set of sessions is therefore very much tailored to the individual, but there are some common themes that may crop up:

Practical advice: There will likely be some discussion around the practical elements of recovering from an addiction. For example – passing over bank cards and passwords to accounts to a partner or loved one to take control of or adding blocking software onto your computer. However, these practical blocks aren’t always enough to recover fully. Once you remove the barrier (e.g. you will at some point get frustrated at having to ask a partner/family member for money every time you need it), it’s likely that with no understanding of how it happened in the first place, it will become a problem again at some point in the future.

Understanding WHY: I think a lot of people assume the only reason people gamble is for the money, and this is not the case. Addictions can be a form of escape from reality, hiding from difficult feelings like guilt, anger, sadness or rejection. Gambling can be a means of experiencing a high so different to every day life that it seems so mundane without it. It can be a chink of light at the end of the tunnel, a small glint of hope that “if I just win x amount all my problems will be over and I’ll be happy”. There are so many different reasons why people gamble and in understanding your own reasons this can help you to avoid it happening again. For example, if we identify that you gamble when feeling sad, we can consider alternative ways of dealing with those feelings of sadness, whether that’s accessing counselling, speaking to a loved one or writing a journal.

Money: Whilst money isn’t always the focus of the work, we will more than likely consider your relationship with money in general. What does money mean to you and how did you develop those beliefs? For example, if you have grown up within a family who have a tendency to make extravagant purchases and show off their wealth, you may feel under pressure to have the same amount of money to be able to compete. Financial pressure could be part of the reasoning behind someone’s decision to gamble. Whilst it is impossible to tell people that they won’t win, it’s important to consider actually what you risk losing in continuing to chase those winnings.

Relapse: Unfortunately when dealing with addiction people often experience a cycle of their behaviours, and relapse is very much a part of that. Some clients come to Gamcare having experienced their very first big loss. Some clients access GamCare for the first time having experienced numerous losses and maybe even short portions of time where they have managed to control or stop their gambling. We will discuss the possibility of relapse occurring and try to understand what could happen in the future to trigger the gambling beginning again. Once we identify those triggers we can come up with strategies of dealing with those situations. Should you relapse it is important to learn from the mistakes that led to that relapse in the first place and make further changes. It could be easy to think with a relapse you are back at square one and unable to stop, but this is not the case.

Hopefully this has given you some idea of what may be discussed when accessing support for a gambling addiction. Obviously all counselling practitioners have their own approach and each client will have their own individual situation, so each piece of work will be entirely different.

Should you require further information on counselling for a gambling addiction, feel free to send me an email info@morrellcounselling.com or contact GamCare on 0808 8020 133 (open between 8am-midnight)

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DO:

• Ensure you wake up early enough to give you enough time to enjoy your breakfast and get ready for the day without having to rush.
• Be organised – spend a short amount of time putting some structure into your day so that you can use your time wisely. Prioritise important tasks and allocate time for them to avoid getting caught procrastinating or spending time on unnecessary tasks.
• Ensure you take your lunch break. If possible try take a walk outside for a stretch, and some fresh air for a change of environment.
• Don’t put too much on your plate. Ask for support from colleagues/managers when your workload gets too much. Learn to say no.
• Turn off work related communications. If you work from home, try do so from a different room so that you are able to enjoy the rest of your living space without being reminded of work.
• Exercise can be a really great way of managing stress.
• Plan holidays or activities so that you have things to look forward to.
• Try maintain a regular bed time routine at the same time every night so that you get enough sleep to tackle the day ahead.

DON’T:

• Grab your breakfast on the go whilst checking emails and dealing with phone calls
• Jump from one task to another without considering their priority or the length of time they will take – you’ll end up feeling dissatisfied having not completed any tasks.
• Work through your lunch break and eat unhealthy convenience food.
• Take on everything that comes your way to try look willing. You may end up shooting yourself in the foot when you’ve taken on more than you can chew and colleagues/managers continue expecting more and more from you.
• Get into a habit of staying late or taking work home with you
• Skip exercising or socialising as you are too busy with work
• Avoid booking holidays/time off for fear of the amount of work you’ll have to get back to.
• Stay up late trying to get a head start on work for the next day, you’ll only end up feeling tired and unproductive.

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Are you feeling a little lost? Lacking motivation or feeling overwhelmed with how much you’d ideally like to change in your life? Setting SMART goals can be a simple yet effective way to help clarify what you want to achieve and give you the best hope for maintaining your efforts and achieving your goals.

SMART is an acronym you can use as guidance in setting your goals.

Specific – Exactly what is it that you want to achieve? When setting a goal it is helpful to include as much detail as possible (the what, why, who, where, when and how). If your goal is vague it will be much harder to achieve because you will struggle to define when you are successful.

Measurable – It’s important to be able to track your progress so that you will know when you have achieved the goal.

Achievable – Whilst having a goal in itself implies you are reaching for something, it is important not to stretch yourself unreasonably.

Relevant – Is this something that you actually really want or are there other more important things you need to focus on right now?

Timely – You must set a deadline for your goal to avoid putting them off. It might be useful to have mini deadlines along route to the ultimate goal so that you are able to measure the progress.

Example:

“I want to lose weight”

If we aim loosely at losing weight, we could keep putting off the things we need to do to achieve this by continually saying “I’ll start again tomorrow”. If we don’t see the immediate final result we’re unrealistically aiming for, we’re unlikely to stay motivated to get there and then may feel negatively towards ourselves. If I need to lose weight but actually right now I have so many other things I need to prioritise I’m not going to focus on this goal and thus will not achieve it. Instead I need to consider breaking down the main overarching goal of losing weight into smaller more manageable chunks and setting myself a SMART goal.

“I want to lose 1lb every week for the next 4 weeks so that I have lost a total of 4lbs. I will do this by going to a gym class two times a week in the evening after work and cutting out my usual Friday night takeaway. This will help me towards my ultimate goal of losing 8lbs in time for my holiday”

Sometimes if we think big picture, we can get too overwhelmed with how much we have to do. Using the above example, instead of thinking “argh I need to lose 8lbs!”, it feels more manageable and realistic to focus on the first 1lb.

Only you can decide what feels achievable for you, just make sure you’re not setting your standards too high but are also pushing yourself just enough for it to be a challenge.

Weight loss is just one example of goal setting practice. This tool can also be really helpful when dealing with depression. Rather than looking at big picture of “I need to get back to work, improve my relationships, deal with my mental health and stop taking medication” which can feel impossibly overwhelming, focus on setting yourself SMART goals for each day. It could be as straight forward as “I want to make sure I get out of bed and get dressed every day this week”.

If you feel like it would be useful to get some support in achieving the changes you want to make, please don’t hesitate to get in touch to discuss whether counselling may be appropriate for you.

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